Elul Day 17 - י"ז באלול

Dear Elul Writers,

Our morning prayers begin, famously, with the words moda/eh ani lefanecha. This initial acknowledgment of gratitude is followed, in the Ashkenazi tradition, by a line from Psalms that might be less familiar. We say:

ראשית חכמה יראת ה׳…
Reishit Chochma Yirat YHVH
The beginning of wisdom is Divine fear/awe…

The word yirah embodies both wonder and fear, and, unsurprisingly, I usually gravitate toward the wonder-side of the definition. Divine-amazement just speaks to me in a way that G!d-fear never has. It feels nice to start my day with a declaration that all wisdom is rooted in a sense of awe and wonder. Yet, I sometimes have the feeling that, in my embrace of amazement, I am not paying enough attention to the fear. Because, undoubtedly, fear is a part of my life, a part of each of our lives.

In a beautiful essay on the subject of fear, the poet, Mary Ruefle, explores literary and philosophical understandings of the emotion. Quoting Keats and Dickinson, Neruda and Nietzsche, she mines texts for a sharper, clearer take on this complicated emotion. Yet, what I really love about the essay is that about half way through she stops and says, “I think it is time to list some concrete fears” Then, there is this list:

fear of death
of illness
of pain
of suffering
of despair
of not understanding
of disturbance or reversal of powers
of being unloved
of the unknown or strange
of destruction
of humiliation
of degradation
of poverty
of hunger
of aging
of unworthiness
of transgression
of punishment
of making a mistake
of loss of dignity
of failure
of oblivion
of outliving the mind
of eating an anchovy

The list is comprehensive (even if I take issue with the tinned-fish hate at the end).

DAY 17 PROMPT

If the beginning of wisdom is in yirah, then perhaps the beginning of self-knowledge also entails confronting our fears. Without shame, I encourage you on this 17th day of Elul, to pull out your worries and fears one by one, sit with them, and examine them. If you want to focus on one, then do so. How does looking at your fears in the light of day transform them? What changes about you when you are feeling afraid? Can you approach your fears without judgment, but with loving-kindness? And, don’t worry, we’ll get to awe and amazement next week.

No prompts on Shabbat– see you on Saturday night.

Good Shabbos!

Jordan